My Unperfect Life

Rather than posting the perfect family photo, this post needs the REAL family photo

I decided to post a real, unfiltered story about myself. I am a blogger who has been off my game for a little while.  It's like I am flying around the airport but not landing very often. I love to do remodel projects around the house and blog about them. For about a year now, I haven’t updated my blog because of a condition I have been dealing with. I do plan on getting back to blogging soon but for now I want to share a very personal story. 

Many people suffer from migraine headaches. I have a different sort of migraine condition. I don’t have headaches and pain, but rather episodes of amnesia or weird fading in and out of amnesia. Other times, I am completely fine with no memory loss. It’s very weird. I have had many tests run over the past year or so and have been under the care of 3 different neurologist. It’s a rather rare condition but I’m not the only one.

One person who was suffering the same condition as me had an episode while having a brain scan done. My doctor told me the scan showed what looked like heat waves going on in the brain that causes the fading in and out of amnesia.

Now that I know exactly what it is, I am more aware when it is happening. It is frustrating to me when it happens at inconvenient times. During my worst episode I couldn’t even remember my own kids’ names.

Luckily it eventually passes and then I am back to my normal self. Whatever normal is for me.

The first time I had a real bad spell I ended up in the hospital for a few days because it mirrors the symptoms of a stroke. For about 6 months the doctors even called the episode a stroke until they had finished with all their brain scans and were able to rule the stroke out.

It is so rare they don’t even have an official name for my condition or if they do, I can't remember what it is called.  The only way I know to describe it is amnesia during a migraine.

While having an episode I sat down and thought long and hard how I could describe what it was going on inside my head. The best way I can describe it is I feel like my thought process has to go through a black hole in order to get to the other side. Common sense and things our brains usually process easily every day can get bogged down in what feels like mud in my brain.

At times I can't even remember who dear friends are.

Just like any other migraine it can be very strong or so light you hardly even know is there so most of the time I am able to plow through my daily life somewhat normal. When I am having a light migraine I just tend to repeat myself a lot.  It can be very upsetting, even for someone who always likes to look at the bright side of things.

I am not making this post to complain, or to draw sympathy, but rather to bring to light that every single person has an unperfect life.  Social media might make it appear that there are no troubles  and we may feel like we are the only ones with hard things.  Or in some cases social media makes it appear as if all of life is one big mistake. I would like to think that neither one are a true representation. Life is a test full of ups and downs.  We each take the good and take the bad because it is all part of the package and that's ok.  My issues might not show up like a broken arm so many might not even know, but I'm sure every person in the world has their own set of challenges.  Some are visible and some are not, but regardless, we are all doing the very best we can with the cards we are dealt.

I always like to look on the bright side of every coin.  It is just my nature.  For this reason I would like to share a tender mercy in my life. At one point I didn't know my kids names or even what a glass of water was.  When I would try to talk, my words got all jumbled up. The only word that has never gotten jumbled or lost in translation for me is the word, “Tim.” Tim is my rock and my world. He is my husband, best friend, and my constant through life. Today is our 29th anniversary. I love him so much and I’m so grateful for the best companion a person could ever wish for.

Happy anniversary through Thick and Thin!