Saturday, February 3, 2018

Hackleman's Happenings: Funeral Sandwiches

We call them funeral sandwich's but they can be eaten anytime.  They are the perfect food for a super bowl party.  Ham and Cheese sliders are great anytime.  They taste delicious hot or cold.  I can't wait until tomorrow when I will be eating one!

Hackleman's Happenings: Funeral Sandwiches: Best Sandwich Ever! Cooking for a funeral luncheon can be a lot of work, unless you try this recipe.  I used two different types of...

Wednesday, January 24, 2018

LeBron James Makes History

Pinterest Hit! DIY Bling Shoes

DIY Bling Shoes

I bought the crystals at Hobby Lobby on a half off sale.  $7.00

E-6000 Clear Glue

The best Purchase of all was the Jewel Picker.

It has a wax top that allows you to picks the jewels up and places them on the glue with ease.  I smudged some glue on the heel of the shoe.

Only due a small area at a time.  Enough to place about 10 jewels at a time.

I was able to put the jewels on the shoes in about 10 minutes.  This is one of the easiest DIY projects I have ever done.

Update 1-24-2018.  I originally jazzed up a pair of shoes back in 2014.  It has now been 4 years and they are still my favorite pair of shoes.  I wear them about 3 times a month and always get a lot of accolades.  They were so easy to make and worth the effort.  This is definitely a pinterest HIT!

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Straight Outta Wisdom Teeth

Grant's Mouth is Still Numb
But That Doesn't Stop Him From Eating Jello

I love the shirt, “Straight Outta Wisdom Teeth.”

Grant's journey to get his wisdom teeth extracted started last November. His case turned out to be complicated. Imagine our surprise to find out he still had 6 baby teeth. These teeth were hanging on for dear life, intact long past their prime. It turns out this is caused because of a couple of things.  First of all, a few of his adult teeth were never "born." Secondly two teeth decided to be stubborn and refused to come down where they were predestined to be. For this reason we needed to do some orthodontic work ahead of pulling out those baby teeth. We also needed to work together with a dentist, orthodontist, but most important of all, an oral surgeon. If all went as planned, this teeth situation did not have to leave Grant with permanent gaping holes in his mouth or the need to add artificial teeth.

Today was finally the day for teeth extraction. Grant’s braces have now been on long enough to move his teeth to just the right place in order to finally pull six baby teeth and four wisdom teeth, all just before his 17th birthday. Grant now has stitches all over his mouth, along with a couple of real cool gold chains attached to those two teeth that won’t come down on their own. The gold chains can now slowly pull the teeth down where they need to be one link at a time.

Talk about an extensive plan of action.  I'm so thankful that eventually Grant will be blessed with an awesome set of teeth. Instead of having large gaps in his mouth, he will have beautiful pearly whites. Thank you so much to Dr. Stanley at Oral Surgery Associates and his wonderful staff who made the entire process a very pleasant experience. I definitely recommend them to anyone in the Omaha area needing wisdom teeth taken out.

What does a guy do right after getting his wisdom teeth out?
Heisman Trophy Pose Of Course
In place of the football, jello topped with whipped cream!
Makes sense to me

Friday, January 12, 2018

Gators Frozen In Swamp with Noses Up

As temperatures plunge Alligators go into Survival Mode
Notice how they keep their noses out of the water as it freezes.

Made you look.  Did you catch the ok sign?

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

President Monson - My Prophet Has Died - What That Means To Me?

President Monson

This morning I woke up to the news that President Monson, my prophet, has died. What does that mean for the average member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints? I will try to put my thoughts into words and feelings to more fully explain what it is like to be LDS, or “Mormon” and find out your prophet has died.  I have lived to see eight prophets die in my lifetime.  I would like to share my feelings about each of them from my perspective.

I have been a member of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints all of my life. The first time I knew anything about a living prophet was when I was two years old.  I can remember sitting in church at that tender age and singing a song about a living prophet while looking at a picture of the prophet on the earth which was President David O McKay.

President David O McKay

I don’t remember a lot about his death except to say the next time we sang a song about a living prophet the picture was of Joseph Fielding Smith. 

President Joseph Fielding Smith

President Harold B. Lee

President Harold B. Lee was much the same for me, but by the time President Spencer W. Kimball was the prophet, I was old enough to start to pay closer attention.

President Kimball was very special to me and my family. At one point, before I was even born, President Kimball, who was Elder Kimball at the time, came to Idaho on assignment for stake conference and stayed overnight at my grandparents home. I can still remember my grandmother telling me the story of the spiritual experience the family had while he stayed with them. My grandmother was a fabulous cook and had planned a very fancy meal for Saturday
evening upon his arrival. After meeting him she proceeded to excuse herself to go into the kitchen to begin preparation for a big fancy meal served in a fashion fit for a king, Elder Kimball gently asked my grandmother if she would mind changing the dinner plans to fit his favorite meal in the world. Stunned by this, my grandmother was a bit worried that she would have the right ingredients to alter her dinner plans but was willing to give it a try. Elder Kimball asked my Grandmother Beck if she had any bread.

President Spencer W. Kimball

She of course did since she had baked a fresh batch to go along with dinner. He then said, “Is there any chance we could have bread and milk for dinner? I love it so much and rarely get the chance to eat it.” So that is exactly what they did. The bread was torn apart into bite size pieces, put in a bowl and then milk was poured over the top. It was then eaten like you would cereal.

As I think of this meal I am reminded of the story in the bible of Mary and Martha. Mary wanted to spend time listening to the teachings of the Savior, while Martha was worried about cooking a meal for the Savior. Jesus taught that Mary wanted the better part. Elder Kimball allowed my grandmother to take part in the better part by eating a simple meal and instead spending time with an apostle of the Lord.

Not only did my grandmother get the time to spend with Elder Kimball, it changed the course of our family for generations to come. From that time forward, every Saturday evening it was tradition in our family to eat bread and milk for dinner. By doing this there was plenty of time to do all the Saturday preparations to get ready for keeping the Sabbath day holy on Sunday. I guess in a way, President Kimball taught our family a better way to prepare for the Sabbath. After my grandmother passed away, the only thing I wanted was the china that Grandma Beck used to serve Elder Kimball bread and milk during his stay. This china is the most valuable possession I currently own.

President Kimball was inspiring, kind, and gentle.  As a child, as I watched him speak on television during General Conference I always felt a special bond. He was the prophet when I reached the age of 8 years old and was able to decide for myself if I would join my family and be baptized into the LDS church. It was an easy decision for me to make at the time and I have never regretted it once in my lifetime.

When I was in high school President Kimball passed away. This was the first time I really felt the pain of losing a Prophet of God. I made a personal commitment to do my best to live a life constant to the teachings of such a great man. Soon after he passed I read a book he wrote called, “The Miracle of Forgiveness.” For the first time, I really started to scratch the surface of how the Atonement of Jesus Christ could play a role in my life. The only solace of losing President Kimball came with the knowledge that the Lord had left us in good hands with the new prophet, President Ezra Taft Benson.

President Ezra Taft Benson

President Benson was easy for me to relate to. He grew up on a farm in Idaho and so did I. His farming stories always hit real close to home but the most profound thing that I gained from President Benson was a deeper love for the Book of Mormon. He gave a challenge in 1986 which happened to be the year I graduated from high school. Here is a quote from President Benson, “The Lord inspired His servant Lorenzo Snow to reemphasize the principle of tithing to redeem the Church from financial bondage. … Now, in our day, the Lord has revealed the need to reemphasize the Book of Mormon.”

This statement flooded the church and hit home to me. I can remember later on that year reading the entire book through in a few short months. This was the first time I had really feasted on the Book of Mormon rather than just reading it. The course my life took from that time on was different than it had been before. The Book of Mormon helped then and still helps me today to bring clarity and discernment into my life. I will be forever grateful for President Benson.

I had the privilege of attending President Benson’s 90th birthday celebration. It was held in the tabernacle in Salt Lake City. There were many tributes given to him from dignitaries from around the world because of the great work he did after World War II. He touched so many different people in so many different countries. He was such an inspiration.

President Howard W. Hunter

After President Benson passed away, President Howard W. Hunter was called to be the prophet. President Hunter is a distant relative of my husband. We asked him to marry us in the Salt Lake temple. He called my soon to be husband on the telephone to try to coordinate a date. Unfortunately the date of our wedding was on the same weekend he had a trip scheduled to be in Omaha, Nebraska so it didn’t work out, but just being able to talk to him on the phone, and find out that as a cousin, he would have performed our wedding was a wonderful experience.

I remember when he was giving a talk at BYU while he was the prophet. A radical person stormed the stage with a large cell phone that he claimed had a bomb in it. He told President Hunter to read the statement he had or he would set the bomb off. Under no circumstance would President Hunter read that statement. He remained calm and composed until security removed the intruder. He then went on to give his talk without showing any sign of stress. He said, “Life has a fare amount of challenges as demonstrated earlier,” then after a chuckle, went on without missing a beat giving his inspirational talk. I can’t help but think of the saying Joseph Smith had said at one point, “No unhallowed hand can stop the work from progressing.”

During the bomb incident at BYU, I had a friend who was helping with the audio visual during that meeting. She told me what it was like from the perspective of those in attendance. She said it was very scary. At the time they didn’t know if they would be blown up on the spot because President Hunter would not comply with a terroristic threat. She said that after the threat was over a palpable sense of peace filled the building.

Amazingly, this wouldn’t be President Hunter’s only bomb threat he would encounter. On another occasion he had an incident while dedicating the Jerusalem center. There was a bomb threat reported to him during the middle of the meeting. He said to proceed as normal. When asked if he was afraid, his only reply was, not at all. The meeting went on without incident.

What a strong and valiant man. I am reminded of when he was speaking in General Conference and fell over. He was helped back up and continued on with his talk. It was only later revealed that when he fell he had actually broken 3 ribs. You can watch the video back now and you would never know he was even in pain. A lesson I learned from this was you never know what trial another person might be going through especially if you are talking about President Hunter. He was a spiritual giant.

President Gordon B. Hinckley

After President Hunter died, President Gordon B. Hinckley was called. My memories of President Hinckley go back to as far as I can remember. He was called to be an apostle before I was born and served as a counselor to President Kimball, President Benson, and President Hunter. There never was a time in my life that I didn’t see him speak in General Conference. 

I have so much I could say about President Hinckley but I will limit my comments to my own personal experience with him. Back in the late 90’s I had the privilege of personally hearing him speak at a graduation ceremony at the University of Utah. My brother was graduating that year along with President Hinckley’s granddaughter. He gave an inspiring talk but what happened after the talk is the part I want to write about. During President Hinckley's commencement talk I was sitting with my sister in law Ann. At the end of the graduation ceremony the congregation was asked to remain seated until the speakers had left the building. There was only one problem, Ann and I had already made our way to the restroom before we heard that announcement. We were trying to hurry back to our seats when security stopped us in the hallway. They said it was too late to get back in and at this point we needed to just stand to the side, stay quiet, and remain motionless. We did as we were told. A few seconds later, President Hinckley came through the hallway and was met by his granddaughter. They were right in front of us. We couldn’t help but overhear all that was said. It was the most beautiful and touching moment of my life. Not only was I standing within three steps of the Prophet of God, but I was able to witness the most loving, kind reunion of a granddaughter and her grandfather. Words cannot describe what the feeling was except to say complete love and the strongest feeling of power I have ever felt. For the first time in my life I was just steps away from the Prophet of God. 

Ann and I both were overcome with emotion and thanksgiving for being at the right place to witness such an event. We were both able to feel the confirming testimony that this was in fact a set apart servant of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

My last encounter I will share had to do with a person who would eventually become a prophet of God. This incident did not go as well as the one mentioned with President Hinckley. This memory has to do with President Monson. He was not the prophet yet when I had my encounter, but he was the President of the Quorum of the twelve apostles. The incident I speak of happened on a cold wintery day back in 1993. At the time I was working in the Church office building next to temple square in Salt Lake City. The prophet and the apostles work in a building right next to the church office building. Even though the buildings are right next to each other, the employees in the Church office building do not encounter those who work in the other buildings. We had different parking structures and the building with the apostle’s contains heightened security. 

On a couple of occasions I had the privilege of delivering important documents to the first presidency and the quorum of the twelve apostles. My boss was in charge of writing up disaster reports and I delivered them. As I dropped disaster reports off on a few occasions, I took the chance to peek around the offices of the authorities. While I tried my best to set eyes on anyone, I personally never did. I only met their secretaries. I figured out early on that on any given day, most of the apostles and the prophet were out in the world on assignment or in meetings.

On a cold winter day in 1993 I was headed to work. At the time I lived in North Salt Lake. I rode the bus to work each day. My work attire was always a dress and dress shoes.  I should have worn boots, but didn't. On this particular occasion, I was cold since I had waited for the bus in an area two feet deep in snow that had not been shoveled. For this reason I was colder than usual as well as being soaking wet. Now, add the fact that I was pregnant and overall not feeling very well. My bus drop off point had recently been moved. Prior to this the bus stop was across the street from the church office building. After the Joseph Smith Memorial building was dedicated, temple square was reconfigured and the bus stop was changed to accommodate the new layout. This created a place for the new bus stop to be much closer to the building. Now the bus stop landed in the middle of the block along with a new crosswalk. 

On this cold wet day I was hurrying across the road in the new crosswalk when I saw out of the corner of my eye a car fast approaching that was obviously not going to stop. I couldn’t decide in the split second if I should jump back or try to run forward. Either way, I could tell I was not going to get out of the way fast enough to avoid being hit by the car. The encounter both scared the daylights out of me and really made me mad. I turned to look at the driver of the car, with a huge glare on my face, which I guessed would be the last look I would have before being struck down. As I looked at the driver of the car, just in the nick of time, the car came to a screeching halt. The person in the car looked flustered and sorry. He raised his hands and motioned a sincere apology. As I looked into the eyes of my, would be assassin, I realized it was none other than President Thomas S. Monson.

He had obviously taken that road out of the parking garage thousands of times prior to this event and had forgotten that it now had a crosswalk right at the top of the ramp coming out of the garage. Going from the darkness of the garage into the light made it hard to see clearly what was in front of you, which in this case was a crosswalk. Luckily he was quick on the breaks and was able to avoid a catastrophe.

For me, great lessons were learned on that fateful day. The first being, life is precious and you never know when this day might be your last. Second, I learned a lesson on judgment. I was instantly angry and judgmental and had it not been such kind, loving eyes looking back at me with great apology showing in them, I might not have been so quick to forgive, yet that is exactly how I felt the instant I saw him. The third thing I learned after much thought and contemplation was I wasn’t really as close to death that day as I first thought. President Monson couldn’t have been going more than a few miles an hour so at the very most it would have been just a little bump on the leg.  My over dramatic emotions were brought on because of my own sick, tired, grumpy self which made my brain automatically jump to a conclusion that overdramatized the entire incident. After calming down and rethinking the entire situation, my biggest take away was simply love. Love of a man who was then a counselor and would soon become a prophet of God. I learned that he was not always perfect in everything. Not one of us are.  There was only one who ever lived who was perfect and that is Jesus Christ, but regardless whether or not he was perfect, the things I have learned from him are perfect in every way.

President Thomas S. Monson

In honor of such a legacy, I will rededicate my life’s mission to more fully follow the Prophet and his counsel in my life because I know that if I do, I will be in line with what the Lord would have me do. I look forward to constantly learning and growing and finding a way to overcome the evil one and more fully align myself to God’s will.

Amy Hackleman

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Control Freak - Joke of the Day

Pinterest Miss - Phone Case

I love How the Case Turned Out
There Is Only One Problem
And It's a Major One...

Over the years I have tried a lot of DIY projects I found on Pinterest and to date, this is still the one that hurts the most.  I love to bling things up to the nines and this one turned out to be so easy and really a favorite.  It made me happy all the time.  I was so proud of it.  I also blogged about all the benefits of making your own jeweled items including a cell phone case. It was quite the conversation piece. Ladies wanted to know where they could buy them and ultimately how to make them. They are so cheap and easy to make, I understood why so many people were interested in joining the b-dazzle world for themselves. But then, I realized a downside when it came to the amazing world of jewels and cell phones. It's such a large downside that I have given up on the jewels all together when it comes to my phone.  Here is why...

The precious little crystals cause interference with the cell phone signal and ultimately make your phone conversations hard to hear or dropped all together.  So it comes with very large regret on my part that I have to announce this DIY project as a major bust.  Sorry one and all for this horrible announcement.

Call In Sick - Joke of the Day!

I'm Gettin Muffins For Christmas!

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Friend Request

Sofa Makeover Update

Leather Sofa looks like new again!

I originally posted this DIY project on my blog 2 1/2 years ago. I took an old sofa that was destined for a junk pile and created my favorite DIY project ever.

Here is the link to the instructions of how to transpose a leather sectional to look like new:

Now 3 years later, my sofa is in need of a 10 minute update to get it back to par.

As you can see, there is some wear and tear.  I am happy to report, the stain never came off on clothing.  It does take a few days to completely dry.  Just remember, it is cheap, fast, and easy, but you do need a week of drying time.  Stain dries slowly when it is applied to leather.  After it is completely dried, it does not come off on clothing at all!

On the left is what it looks like after a little stain is rubbed on. Don't forget to wear gloves. Stain does not come off your skin easily.  I did have to buy a new can since my old one was in the garage and dried out.  A small can goes a long way.  It cost $5.60 at Walmart.

This time I didn't have to do all over the sofa.  I just touched up the areas that had a lot of wear.

It took less than 10 minutes.

I still love it!


If you can understand this note, thank a music teacher.

Sunday, October 9, 2016

How to Make a Gingerbread Handcart

Gingerbread Handcart for the Mormon Trail Center Display

Day 1: 
Time management is important.  Plan on working a little bit over a few days because they do need time to dry in-between steps.

One the first day. lather up the handcarts with icing and let them dry. Icing should then be stored in an airtight container in the fridge.

Mold the heads, arms and hands.  Leave them on a greased surface to dry overnight.

Day 2: 
Work on the rest.  This will save you time in the long run, I promise!

The people are made out of fondant.  To make colors just add food coloring.

My original handcart was made with hot glue, but it broke apart.  It will need icing, in order to be strong.  

Here are some of the faces I have made.  I will make a video and post it to show how to make them.

Originally I was using hot glue when putting together my handcarts, but after a week, they started for fall apart.  You can use hot glue on some parts, but covering the bottom of the handcart with icing really makes it strong.  I highly recommend using icing on the handcart so it can hold up.

Grant put this one together for me.

Making the arms and hands in advance really help to make the process easier.  Let them dry overnight before adding clothing.

Supplies I used to make the handcarts.  You can use a dot of water and powdered sugar to get the fondant to the right consistency.  I prefer to use Crisco to help make it pliable.  You can put it in the microwave for a about 5 seconds to help soften up the fondant before using but don't over soften.

Printable Gingerbread Recipe and Directions

Printable Gingerbread Icing

Printable Fondant Recipe

Handcart Supply List

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Guest Post by Jared Beck

Jared Beck

Occasionally, I have guest posts on my blog.  I thought I should introduce one of the writers who I publish frequently, who also happens to be my brother.

State Fair

State Fair Food
Jared Beck

The state fair is here and will be for a week,
I love most of the fair but it’s the food that I seek.
At no other time do I eat so much junk,
Even on my way here, I ate a Big Hunk.
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks,
Especially for all of the greasy food on my cheeks!

I’m walking in to the State Fair gate,
The line is long and I’m not even late.
At last it’s my turn, they’ve stamped my hand
And now I’m off to carnival land!
I’m entering the livestock barns and oh what a smell,
Of horses and sheep-I just heard a cowbell.

There are people all around both old and young,
I need to watch where I’m going; I just stepped in horse dung.
I see champion horses have been successfully mated,
They must be champions; their tails are braided.
The FFA boy shows his pig to his uncles and aunts,
He’s got a smile on his face and poop on his pants.

I’m walking out of the barns for a breath of fresh air
And see two people walking with dark purple hair.
I noticed one guy is short- one is tall,
But with a closer look I see that they aren’t guys at all.
The fair is like a giant side show, people are weird,
Like that guy talking to himself and that lady with a beard.

I’m feeling a bit hungry; the Greeks are my heros,
I buy from them five, no six tasty gyros.
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the mutton and sauce on my cheeks.

After the gyros my hands need a wash
Then, it’s off to the 4H barn to see the prize-winning squash.
Looking in awe at the vegetables and fruits,
Am I the only one not wearing cowboy boots?
I see numerous ribbons of red, white, and blue
But have to pause for a moment to get the gum off my shoe.

I love the knives but I must only peek
For if I buy one it will be broke in a week.
Watching the central vacuum booth is a must,
I love to see socks move with such thrust!
I encounter a booth run by a well dressed guy
But since when was a hot tub an impulse buy?

I can smell the great smell of buttery corn on the cob
So I buy some and intentionally eat like a slob.
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the corn in my teeth and butter on my cheeks!

Listening to salesmen give the spiel on a loudspeaker
Just makes my tired feet feel a lot weaker.
So I decide to go sit on a bench in the shade
But not without a tall glass of pink lemonade!

As I rest leaning back on this hard wooden bench
I realize I’m sitting by a world-class wench.
She’s here with five kids, not one with a shirt,
Those bright pink sunburns have got to hurt!
She yells and she screams at her kids without care,
I don’t think that her kids are enjoying the fair.

She yells at one kid who almost got run over
By a drunken wheelchair driver who’s wandering all over.
The boy is startled and he starts to cry
He didn’t see the wheelchair due to a lazy left eye.
Finally, she and her kids start to leave,
One of them is sick, I heard him dry heave.

A lawnmower speeds by towing nine or ten trailers
Accompanied by five women’s prison inmates and two jailers.
They’re cruising around, picking up trash.
They aren’t having much fun, the all have heat rash.
I guess it’s their fault committing a crime
Now they have to work at the fair without earning a dime.

I’m not all that hungry but now that I’m here
I have to eat at least one tiger ear.
So I stand from my bench with a stretch and a yawn
And walk across the fairground lawn.
Once again I’m in line, waiting my turn
Hoping my scone will be done but not burned.

“How many would you like sir?” the man asks with a smile
I look down at my belly and I think for a while.
I guess I’ll have two or three and why not?
Nothing is better than a scone while it’s hot.

“I’ll take a large soda to go with the scones”.
The man promptly replies, “That’ll be five bones.”
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the honey butter on my cheeks!

As I walk to the bathroom to wash my face,
I hear a loud trumpet, the start of a horse race.
I don’t think a horse race is something I’d watch
It’s not like the rodeo where they get kicked in the crotch.
So this is one of the sites I’ll pass up
Instead, I’ll get some fries with extra ketchup.

My dad’s friend is working so we chat for a bit
And he talks me into a large cheesy fry with chili on it.
Oh what a treat, I think while I eat,
“Hey there, I’ll take a fish sandwich on whole wheat!”

And a large soda to wash it all down
I love how there’s cold soda pop all over this town!
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks,
Especially for the ketchup and chili on my cheeks!

Just overhead a biplane glides,
It’s towing a sign reminding to go on the rides.
I love the rides so I’m off once again.
I suppose on my way, I’ll see what I can win.
On my way to the games and the rides I see
The restrooms again and I have to go pee.

Again, here I am in another long line
Knowing no other has an urge such as mine.
It smells pretty bad in here, worse than the sheep.
Someone went on the floor, man, what a creep.
Carved into the stall was some kind of “love letter”
Oh, finally my turn… I feel a lot better.

I’m finally finished and on my way out
And drop a dollar in the “tips” can and take three quarters out.
I thank the man with the can but he looks at me with a glare
And uses profanities unmatched anywhere.
But, I think to myself, that’s all he deserves,
He just sits there watching and that gets on my nerves.

Over close to the games there’s a booth that’s so handy,
Just hand them a dollar and they hand you cotton candy!
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the sugary cotton candy on my cheeks!

Now it is eaten and I head for the games
The only decision is which ones I should play.
I consider the BB gun game but they have junk guns
But then this is no different than the other ones.
They’re set up to make money and that’s what they do
The carney makes it look easy by showing how-to.

Okay, okay, I’ll give it a shot
Most games are rigged but there’s one that is not.
The free throw game seems pretty legit
But shot after shot I can’t make it.
Something must be up! I start to knock it,
After all they’ve taken ten bucks from my pocket!

As I walk away a loser, I’m pretty upset,
Then I look at the rim, HEY THAT’S IT!
Yes I can see it’s ten feet, that is true
But it’s not big enough for the ball to go through!
Oh well, I’m the dumb guy who played their dumb game.
Even the free throws are rigged; they’re all the same.
So I go get an apple that’s shiny and brown
It’s covered in caramel; this erases my frown!
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the sticky caramel on my cheeks!

I’m overcome by loud music being blared at the rides.
They want to make it fun for our ears and our eyes.
The Gravetron Thriller is one I’ll enjoy,
I’ve loved spinning around since I was young a boy!
I hope and I wait for the ride to begin
And within a few minutes, it starts to spin.

It spins and it spins, the G-force is intense
Like riding a motorcycle right into a fence!
I’m instantly reminded of all the junk I have eaten.
The ride spins and it spins and I know I’ve been beaten.
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
But not especially for all the vomit on my cheeks!

I try to stop but my guts say no!
My stomach’s convinced this food’s got to go!
The ride stops and I’m sick and I’m all a mess
But was it only on me?  I think you can guess.
I look at the others who were riding the ride
Their shirts all now look like they were tie-died.

I stumble off of the Gravetron Thriller
Covered in vomit with a headache that’s killer.
As I walk back to the car with my head bowed low
I remember this same thing happening a year ago.
As a matter of fact while I’m being sincere,
I’ll have to admit, it’s the same every year.

Hey wait a minute, I just had a thought,
I thought I was sick but really, I’m not!
It was the ride that had made my stomach spin.
In fact, I’m feeling quite hungry again!
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for all the greasy food on my cheeks!
Jared W. Beck