Thursday, August 4, 2016

State Fair

State Fair Food
Jared Beck

The state fair is here and will be for a week,
I love most of the fair but it’s the food that I seek.
At no other time do I eat so much junk,
Even on my way here, I ate a Big Hunk.
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks,
Especially for all of the greasy food on my cheeks!

I’m walking in to the State Fair gate,
The line is long and I’m not even late.
At last it’s my turn, they’ve stamped my hand
And now I’m off to carnival land!
I’m entering the livestock barns and oh what a smell,
Of horses and sheep-I just heard a cowbell.

There are people all around both old and young,
I need to watch where I’m going; I just stepped in horse dung.
I see champion horses have been successfully mated,
They must be champions; their tails are braided.
The FFA boy shows his pig to his uncles and aunts,
He’s got a smile on his face and poop on his pants.

I’m walking out of the barns for a breath of fresh air
And see two people walking with dark purple hair.
I noticed one guy is short- one is tall,
But with a closer look I see that they aren’t guys at all.
The fair is like a giant side show, people are weird,
Like that guy talking to himself and that lady with a beard.

I’m feeling a bit hungry; the Greeks are my heros,
I buy from them five, no six tasty gyros.
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the mutton and sauce on my cheeks.

After the gyros my hands need a wash
Then, it’s off to the 4H barn to see the prize-winning squash.
Looking in awe at the vegetables and fruits,
Am I the only one not wearing cowboy boots?
I see numerous ribbons of red, white, and blue
But have to pause for a moment to get the gum off my shoe.

I love the knives but I must only peek
For if I buy one it will be broke in a week.
Watching the central vacuum booth is a must,
I love to see socks move with such thrust!
I encounter a booth run by a well dressed guy
But since when was a hot tub an impulse buy?

I can smell the great smell of buttery corn on the cob
So I buy some and intentionally eat like a slob.
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the corn in my teeth and butter on my cheeks!

Listening to salesmen give the spiel on a loudspeaker
Just makes my tired feet feel a lot weaker.
So I decide to go sit on a bench in the shade
But not without a tall glass of pink lemonade!

As I rest leaning back on this hard wooden bench
I realize I’m sitting by a world-class wench.
She’s here with five kids, not one with a shirt,
Those bright pink sunburns have got to hurt!
She yells and she screams at her kids without care,
I don’t think that her kids are enjoying the fair.

She yells at one kid who almost got run over
By a drunken wheelchair driver who’s wandering all over.
The boy is startled and he starts to cry
He didn’t see the wheelchair due to a lazy left eye.
Finally, she and her kids start to leave,
One of them is sick, I heard him dry heave.

A lawnmower speeds by towing nine or ten trailers
Accompanied by five women’s prison inmates and two jailers.
They’re cruising around, picking up trash.
They aren’t having much fun, the all have heat rash.
I guess it’s their fault committing a crime
Now they have to work at the fair without earning a dime.

I’m not all that hungry but now that I’m here
I have to eat at least one tiger ear.
So I stand from my bench with a stretch and a yawn
And walk across the fairground lawn.
Once again I’m in line, waiting my turn
Hoping my scone will be done but not burned.

“How many would you like sir?” the man asks with a smile
I look down at my belly and I think for a while.
I guess I’ll have two or three and why not?
Nothing is better than a scone while it’s hot.

“I’ll take a large soda to go with the scones”.
The man promptly replies, “That’ll be five bones.”
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the honey butter on my cheeks!

As I walk to the bathroom to wash my face,
I hear a loud trumpet, the start of a horse race.
I don’t think a horse race is something I’d watch
It’s not like the rodeo where they get kicked in the crotch.
So this is one of the sites I’ll pass up
Instead, I’ll get some fries with extra ketchup.

My dad’s friend is working so we chat for a bit
And he talks me into a large cheesy fry with chili on it.
Oh what a treat, I think while I eat,
“Hey there, I’ll take a fish sandwich on whole wheat!”

And a large soda to wash it all down
I love how there’s cold soda pop all over this town!
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks,
Especially for the ketchup and chili on my cheeks!

Just overhead a biplane glides,
It’s towing a sign reminding to go on the rides.
I love the rides so I’m off once again.
I suppose on my way, I’ll see what I can win.
On my way to the games and the rides I see
The restrooms again and I have to go pee.

Again, here I am in another long line
Knowing no other has an urge such as mine.
It smells pretty bad in here, worse than the sheep.
Someone went on the floor, man, what a creep.
Carved into the stall was some kind of “love letter”
Oh, finally my turn… I feel a lot better.

I’m finally finished and on my way out
And drop a dollar in the “tips” can and take three quarters out.
I thank the man with the can but he looks at me with a glare
And uses profanities unmatched anywhere.
But, I think to myself, that’s all he deserves,
He just sits there watching and that gets on my nerves.

Over close to the games there’s a booth that’s so handy,
Just hand them a dollar and they hand you cotton candy!
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the sugary cotton candy on my cheeks!

Now it is eaten and I head for the games
The only decision is which ones I should play.
I consider the BB gun game but they have junk guns
But then this is no different than the other ones.
They’re set up to make money and that’s what they do
The carney makes it look easy by showing how-to.

Okay, okay, I’ll give it a shot
Most games are rigged but there’s one that is not.
The free throw game seems pretty legit
But shot after shot I can’t make it.
Something must be up! I start to knock it,
After all they’ve taken ten bucks from my pocket!

As I walk away a loser, I’m pretty upset,
Then I look at the rim, HEY THAT’S IT!
Yes I can see it’s ten feet, that is true
But it’s not big enough for the ball to go through!
Oh well, I’m the dumb guy who played their dumb game.
Even the free throws are rigged; they’re all the same.
So I go get an apple that’s shiny and brown
It’s covered in caramel; this erases my frown!
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for the sticky caramel on my cheeks!

I’m overcome by loud music being blared at the rides.
They want to make it fun for our ears and our eyes.
The Gravetron Thriller is one I’ll enjoy,
I’ve loved spinning around since I was young a boy!
I hope and I wait for the ride to begin
And within a few minutes, it starts to spin.

It spins and it spins, the G-force is intense
Like riding a motorcycle right into a fence!
I’m instantly reminded of all the junk I have eaten.
The ride spins and it spins and I know I’ve been beaten.
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
But not especially for all the vomit on my cheeks!

I try to stop but my guts say no!
My stomach’s convinced this food’s got to go!
The ride stops and I’m sick and I’m all a mess
But was it only on me?  I think you can guess.
I look at the others who were riding the ride
Their shirts all now look like they were tie-died.

I stumble off of the Gravetron Thriller
Covered in vomit with a headache that’s killer.
As I walk back to the car with my head bowed low
I remember this same thing happening a year ago.
As a matter of fact while I’m being sincere,
I’ll have to admit, it’s the same every year.

Hey wait a minute, I just had a thought,
I thought I was sick but really, I’m not!
It was the ride that had made my stomach spin.
In fact, I’m feeling quite hungry again!
I’ve been looking forward to the fair for weeks
Especially for all the greasy food on my cheeks!
Jared W. Beck


  1. Jared Beck, you need to be a writer.

  2. Jared Beck, you need to be a writer.

  3. Dad, I just read that poem to Carter, we were trying to determine your personality type according to the Strong Interest Indicator. We've decided you probably have a combination of Social, Realistic, and, based on this poem, Artistic.
    I love how this poem makes me feel like I'm at the fair.
    Which is good because I'll miss it this year.
    I'll be in Moscow, going to school.
    Coming home for the fair would be pretty cool. -Hayley Beck